jcollie719: (Ryan Headdesk)

KRCC's membership drive ended at noon today. I felt good for most of today, though my mood took a huge dip in the last hour of the drive. About 20 minutes before the drive ended, the general manager decided to change plans for the on-air pitching. I was able to handle the changes, though I was a bundle of nerves. I wish the manager would think of these things in advance and plan accordingly (e.g. using "pledge-friendly" show episodes with shorter segments and more breaks.) Thankfully, my mood was boosted an hour or two later by a (drunk/high?) caller who had an idea about a different type of anti-drunk-driving PSA. I also got to take a late caller's pledge.

I'll be heading to the Denver area in a little bit for tonight's bowling meet. At least I can relax there and work off the little bit of frustration I have left.

jcollie719: (weird al yankovic shocked)
I brought my laptop to work Saturday to attempt an "auto-pilot" stream on iVlog. Some of my settings were not correct since there was initially an audio echo. I got rid of the echo and restarted the stream, but I wasn't sure if the video was working or not. I gave up on streaming around 4:30 since "Oh! Pawpets" was doing an actual in-studio show (though not a full pawpet stage show.)

As an older cartoon said, "My desire to be well-informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane." Between the elections, the shootings in Orlando and other events, I find myself listening to news reports and podcasts only 5-10 minutes at a time before pausing them to "recover."
jcollie719: (lunchiesdogangl)
Last week's calorie average: 1,929.3

My mood was up and down over the weekend. My next vacation is just 3 days away. I can't wait to get away from normal life for a weekend (and again next month during RMFC.)

jcollie719: (On Air light)
During a support group meeting, a quote about focusing on a person's positive qualities motivated me to be more confident about myself. I made a note that read "I could -> I can -> I will -> I did." I've always been afraid of trying certain things due to fear of failure and (in the case of starting a business) getting back into debt and/or going broke. I hope I can find some line of work that can at least reduce these fears.
jcollie719: (Buster Sheep)
You're dead for a real long time
You just can't prevent it
So if money can't buy happiness
I guess I'll have to rent it


Today I noticed I haven't tagged any entries with anxiety or depression for at least two months.  I've still felt those emotions occasionally, but they weren't severe or long-lasting spells.  I did have a couple of longer-lasting anxiety attacks and felt depressed earlier today, partially due to the cold weather.  I realized I had forgotten to take my anxiety medications for the day.

One of the major factors which reduced my anxiety was getting out of debt last month.  It's definitely more relaxing having fewer bills and not worrying about whether I can afford to pay them.  Speaking of money, I need to stop by KRCC tomorrow to make sure I submitted my time card for the first half of the month.

I got some boneless chicken breasts yesterday so I can try out the Crock Pot Orange Chicken recipe I saw months ago.
jcollie719: (On Air light)
I'm thankful for having a connection to one of the companies where I'm trying to apply for work.  I couldn't get a return call from the company's GM last week, but a friend who works there gave me the contact info for another employee who could possibly help me.

I had a few more cursing fits at work today (thankfully none while I was on the air.)  It amazes me how broadcasting companies (local and national) buy up tons of stations, then complain about the extra expenses/workload or they don't hire enough staff.  SoCo Radio now operates eight stations in Colorado Springs and Pueblo.  I've said this before about Clear Channel/iHeart Media, and I'll say it again about SoCo:  If you can't afford to staff your current station(s) at least half of the time, don't go buying more stations.  That would be like me getting three more credit cards when I owe roughly $5,000 on the two I already have.
jcollie719: (Headbanger Weird Al)
I really need to work on getting more sleep Saturday nights, as well as taking a longer nap after work on Sundays. Sunday was another Jekyll-and-Hyde day for me.
jcollie719: (I Haz A Sad)
KRCC's computerized time sheet program was offline last week due to the college being on break. This means I'll have to have a nearly-empty bank account until mid-January. I'll bring my change jar to the credit union on Monday or Tuesday to give me a few dollars.

I'm feeling a little better this morning. I got about 4.5-5 hours of sleep, and my Xanax is also keeping me somewhat calm. Friday and Saturday were much worse, with me bouncing off the walls with anxiety and random cursing fits.
jcollie719: (tiger jump)
I'll do my best to get enough sleep tonight. The condos' roof work (if work is being done on Sunday) will likely keep me awake during the late morning/early afternoon when I usually nap. This morning sounded more like a street fair than a work area with all the yelling and loud music playing.

I really wish I could get away from my everyday life for a month or two. Stressing about my finances and losing sleep has negatively affected my attitude. There are times when, instead of looking forward to going to the weekend job I love, I count down the time until I can go back home and take a nap. I also get agitated much more often.
jcollie719: (Luigi)
PAY for Monday, December 3rd: 6 hours (9 AM-3 PM)
Tuesday, December 4th: 6 hours (6 AM-12 PM)
Wednesday, December 5th: 7 hours (6-9 AM and 3-7 PM)
Thursday, December 6th: 7 hours (12-7 PM)

NEXT PAYCHECK
Friday, December 7th: 3.25 hours (6-9:15 AM)

My mood these past few days has been horrible. I had run out of Buspirone refills this month, and an emergency refill wasn't approved before I ran out of pills last Saturday. I bought a bottle of Happy Camper which helped a little, but I found myself feeling more irritable and frustrated. After initially not signing up for a KRCC phone shift on Friday (due to Toastmasters,) I decided to answer phones from 6-9 AM. I didn't get much sleep beforehand (around 3 hours.) I offered to stay until noon since another volunteer couldn't make it in, but I was too groggy and grumpy and went home at 9:15 instead. I also let Toastmasters know I couldn't make it today and took a three-hour nap at home.

My bathroom's remodeling was completed on Thursday, one day ahead of schedule. It's wonderful to have the toilet and bathtub/shower hooked up again. I took my first shower in the new tub after my nap. The new shower curtain rod and towel rack are set an inch or two lower than the old ones, so it makes me feel a bit taller.

Related to my KRCC shifts, I should sign up for more evening shifts during next April's drive. I worked until 7 PM on two nights and was given some of the leftover strip steak and pizza to take home.
jcollie719: (I Haz A Sad)
I'll be having dinner with my family at my brother's house this afternoon. Last night, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to go since my anxiety and depression have been really severe this week. I get very uncomfortable around my brother's family, but I'd rather not be alone right now. EDIT: My anxiety flared up again around 1:30, so I didn't go to dinner.

I wish I could have my old life back. I was so much happier when I was working full-time at Metro Networks. I had just moved into my condo and was starting to move toward being truly independent when I was laid off.

I started a third route with my phone book delivery job. It's actually two small routes with a total of 49 addresses. I tried to deliver to the businesses Wednesday, but the first one I visited was closed and the gate entries to some of the others were locked. If they're still closed on Friday, I'll deliver to the residential addresses then try the businesses again on Monday.
jcollie719: (Panda Kigurumi)
Weekly calorie average: 1,893.6
Days above 2,000 calories: 2 (2,220 and 2,110)

I sometimes get anxious and/or depressed when I watch video footage of furry conventions and gatherings. This is odd because being around furries at a gathering/convention makes me happy and relaxed. I guess it's different when I can't directly talk to and hug them. I feel bad because I can't currently afford a fursuit or to go to more than one convention a year (driving to Denver for RMFC.) Also, I don't have any close friends (furry or non-furry) who invite me anywhere.
jcollie719: (tiger jump)
After a good night's sleep Tuesday, my back pain was only about one-third of what it was originally. I'm unable to lay on my side in bed for now (the pulled muscle is on my right side, but I usually sleep on my left side.) That and when I sneeze are the only times the muscle gives me any pain.

I'm glad I'll be driving up to Denver a week from today for RMFC. Stress about various issues has kept me awake tonight. I have an appointment today with a new job counselor. I've applied for more jobs this past week. I don't know if I'll ever hear from the SoCo Radio stations since I always get their voice mail and no return calls.
jcollie719: (Buster Sheep)
Well, the engineer found out why the NPR satellite's audio kept cutting in and out. There was a wasp nest inside the dish. This morning, I had to play BBC World News and Weekend Edition off the Web.

I was in a bad mood for most of the afternoon. After getting home from my morning shift, my nap was disrupted twice by the family that lives in another condo directly across from my bedroom window. During my shower, I slipped on an area of the bathtub without any appliques (half of them have come loose.) I fell onto my side, pulling down the towel rack as I tried to grab onto it. Thankfully, I wasn't injured.

I was very jittery during my afternoon fill-in shift and snapped at a few people. I'd really like to find employment during the week so I won't be so nervous about how I'm going to support myself. My weight has gone back up a bit due to the stress-related eating I've been doing. At least I can relax and unwind now.
jcollie719: (Buster Sheep)
PAY for Sunday, July 15th: 8 hours (5 AM-1 PM)

Weekly calorie average: 1,908.6
Days above 2,000 calories: 2 (2,050 and 2,050)

Maybe I should get a wall bed like The Coneheads had. I tend to become sleepier when I'm upright, then wide awake once I lay down. It might just be all the stress I'm feeling from being without full-time work for so long. At least I'll be doing fill-in shifts this Sunday and next Sunday.
jcollie719: (tiger jump)
Weekly calorie average: 1,967.1
Days above 2,000 calories: 1 (2,060)

I've put some weight back on. I had been between 250 and 255 for most of the year. This morning, I weighed 261. I haven't been exercising as much, mainly due to depression and lack of motivation. I can't even enjoy myself when doing things I like because I get stressed out about my inability to find a weekday job. Also, the lack of air conditioning and resulting heat tend to aggravate my anxiety. I usually enjoy the heat when I'm relaxed, but stress has a way of making it unbearable. I will get to fill in for another board operator for four hours next Sunday. I'm looking through my things to see if there's anything else I could sell to raise more money.

I saw a chart of how many hours a minimum wage person would have to work in order to afford a two-bedroom apartment. I believe Colorado's figure was 85 hours a week (17 hours a day Monday-Friday, or 12.1 hours a day Sunday-Saturday.) The two lowest states (Arkansas and West Virginia) had figures in the 60s. The highest figure belonged to Hawaii at 175 hours a week (that's 25 hours a day Sunday-Saturday!)

Speaking of KRCC, I noticed a few of the houses north of the station on Weber Street have a tall, chain link fence surrounding them now. I wonder if these houses are being renovated or torn down.
jcollie719: (Panda Kigurumi)
Weekly calorie average: 1955 exactly
Days above 2,000 calories: 3 (2,150; 2,060 and 2,415)

I went to the semi-monthly Foxtrot meet in Denver on Friday. The crowd seemed a bit smaller this time compared to previous times I went. I don't know if being on the same night as the Robins Nest meet had anything to do with that. (Foxtrot is usually on Saturdays.)

I sometimes feel out of place at furry events because many of the attendees have known each other for much longer, and therefore talk and do things with each other. They tend to move to another part of the room when I attempt to join them, leaving me by myself. I don't know if it's my age, my lack of a fursuit or something else causing this.

Speaking of furry, I need to update the photo of me in my kigurumi. The one I currently use was taken when I first got it in 2010. I was at least 75 pounds heavier then, and in larger prints of the picture, you can definitely see the stretch marks on the left side.

Since Oklacon kept me away from KRCC during the beginning of last October's membership drive, I decided to try for Antheria or Midwest Fur Fest instead. I need to find a new weekday job before August for this to happen, though. Being rejected for over 3.5 years has taken a toll on my health. I'm not getting as much sleep, I'm having more anxiety attacks and at times, I'm literally going crazy. The next few pay periods will ease my stress a bit due to extra work hours, but they won't completely solve the problem.
jcollie719: (Foot Up Your Ass Frank)
Someone from Sears called me earlier today about a job opening I was seeking. I thought this was going to be a "give me your basic information" call before scheduling an actual in-person interview. Instead, I was asked questions like "Tell me about a time when you went above and beyond the call of duty to provide exceptional customer service." I don't remember every detail about my past work experience and these types of questions always catch me off-guard. I told her I couldn't remember a specific example, and she abruptly ended the call.

I was pissed off for a while. I reflected on my feelings for a while and realized it was silly to get worked up over not getting a job I wasn't exactly crazy about, especially when I need to focus my energy on getting a job at the newly-launched radio stations in town. I left voice mails for my Vocational Rehab counselor and the new employment agent who's working with me.

After tonight's OA meeting, I went to a group member's house for tea then took a walk around the neighborhood with her. I definitely feel more relaxed now.

A few weeks ago, I discovered I mistakenly entered an online payment for the wrong company. I entered the amount under my credit card company's name instead of my phone company's name. I've scheduled the phone company payment for May 2nd.

I ordered the correct size boxes to ship the glow stick bracelets I plan to sell on eBay.
jcollie719: (Ryan Headdesk)
I decided I'll go to the local fur meet tonight instead of the concert in Pueblo. I only have half a tank of gas (using my last $20 to buy it,) and that has to last about 10 days. Driving to and from Pueblo would use up about half of that. I will have to drive home before then, meaning I won't arrive until 9:00 or so. Another local fur meet is scheduled for next Friday, a more convenient day for me.

I need to find weekday work soon. I was so stressed out about this earlier I snapped at a co-worker.
jcollie719: (tiger jump)
I'll have to wait to send a resume to the Pueblo stations. I thought I had some resume paper, but I don't and I can't buy any more until at least next Tuesday.

I'll have to call my Vocational Rehab counselor after my Toastmasters meeting tomorrow. She was out of the office Tuesday and fully booked Wednesday. My underemployed situation is causing me to lose my mind more frequently. Times like this make me wish I had someone close to me to help ease my pain.

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