jcollie719: (Jibba LMFAO)

Speaking of My Little Pony, here's Bucktown Tiger's latest video to accompany your muffins:

jcollie719: (Craig LOL small)
As of Friday, 98 days until Rocky Mountain Fur Con! I'd be more excited about it if I wasn't worried about whether I'll actually get one of the jobs I've applied for recently.

I'm pulling triple-duty at tomorrow's Toastmasters meeting: sergeant-at-arms, humorist and Table Topics master. Since there wasn't time for Table Topics last week, I'll use the topics I wrote for last week's meeting.

A crew of highway workers were busy replacing signs that had either been stolen or vandalized. The first sign the crew replaced was a deer crossing sign. After replacing it, one crew member spotted a deer running across the highway. The crew member looked at the others and said, "I wonder how long he's been waiting to cross."
jcollie719: (Xmas Vigoda)
He's climbin' in your chimney
He's snatchin' your presents up
Tryin' to take 'em, so you better hide your gifts, hide your tree
Hide your gifts, hide your tree, hide your gifts, hide your tree
And hide your roast beast, 'cause he's stealin' err-thing out there.

EDIT: A few minutes after posting this, I discovered Antoine Dodson had actually done a "Christmas Intruder" parody about Santa on Lopez Tonight.
jcollie719: (Luigi)
My Xanax started to work around 7:00 this morning, so I was able to go back to bed and get about 3 more hours of on-and-off sleep.

I don't know if I'll be able to afford both (or either) of these trips, but just in case: Only 152 days until Further Confusion, and 195 days until Furry Fiesta!

The joke I found online for today's Toastmasters meeting went over really well:

A maid was cleaning the house when the phone rang. When she answered, the man on the other end asked, "Is my wife there?"

The maid said, "Yes, sir. She's upstairs in bed with her boyfriend."

Now, the man was obviously upset about this, so he said, "I want you to go to the hall closet, get my shotgun and shoot them both."

The maid put the phone down and walked off. A couple minutes later, she picked up the phone and said, "Okay. They're both dead. What should I do with the bodies?"

The man said, "Just toss them into the pool. I'll handle it when I get home."

The maid said, "But, Mr. Smith, we don't have a pool."

The man said, "Mr. Smith? Oh, sorry, I've got the wrong number!"
jcollie719: (Lipton Lolly)
I was worried for a couple of days. The Department of Labor sent me a letter saying I needed to register with the Pikes Peak Workforce Center and actively search for jobs if I want to continue receiving unemployment payments past August 1st. The workforce center verified I'm already registered with them and I've been looking high and low for jobs. Even though the hospital payment put a crimp in my budget, I can still afford to attend Rocky Mountain Fur Con next weekend.

I stopped by Whole Foods after visiting the workforce center. I bought a six-pack of Orangina and some low-fat, low-carb snacks. I didn't get any chocolate, though. It's been 20 days since I've had any chocolate candy.

Speaking of sweets...
jcollie719: (Craig LOL small)
Too much free time can be dangerous, especially with programs like Morph Thing and photos of celebrities. I originally wanted to put a wig, dress and makeup on Mel Gibson's mug shot. That plan changed to morphing Mel Gibson with Jennifer Aniston and Tammy Faye Bakker/Messner. The Aniston morph used stock photos of both celebrities, while the Tammy Faye one used Mel's mug shot.

jcollie719: (I Farted)
I saw an ad on TV earlier for a colon-cleansing pill called Colon Flow. Hearing the name reminded me of the parody commercial for Colon Blow cereal from Saturday Night Live in the late-1980s.

Colon Flow:

Colon Blow (Not viewable worldwide):
jcollie719: (Craig LOL small)

Also check out the Eat Da Poo-Poo Autotune remix!
jcollie719: (Jackass Fish Slap)

One of several bad album covers at http://www.stevecarter.com/albumcovers.htm


Jun. 2nd, 2010 05:52 pm
jcollie719: (Craig Ferguson Ooooo)

Watch Rip Taylor car giveaway in Entertainment  |  View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

EDIT: Okay. I couldn't get this to play at first, but rebooting my computer fixed the problem.
jcollie719: (Jackass Fish Slap)
Okay, this isn't actually a drawing...

Conan Live

May. 10th, 2010 10:46 am
jcollie719: (Conan Marquee)
The Conan O'Brien stage show last night in Boulder was excellent. I decided not to wear the panda kigurumi. That turned out to be wise because it would have been hot and uncomfortable, not to mention inconvenient for using the restroom. Instead, I wore a bright orange shirt.

I won't give away too many details to avoid spoiling it for those with tickets to future shows. Opening act Reggie Watts did some funny musical numbers, including a curse word rap using a vocal loop sampler. Following the band's opening number, Conan came out and made jokes about Boulder's laid-back reputation ("hippies snowboarding on granola,") Colorado's high altitude/thinner air and his NBC settlement. Andy Richter had many funny bits, including one called "What I've Learned." Tonight Show writer Deon Cole did a great stand-up act. Other bits and characters from the show made appearances, including the "Walker Texas Ranger" lever, The Masturbating Bear and a taped message from Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. Conan and the band also did several musical numbers. Overall, the show was well worth the price of a great seat (6th row center stage.) The drive to Boulder was only about 90 minutes. The drive home took a bit longer, both due to being late at night and taking a couple of wrong turns in Boulder.

I found my backup WiFi adapter this morning. Its software is still on my computer, so I no longer need to run AOL first to get a connection.
jcollie719: (Jcollie719)
Based on a suggestion from the May 2nd Funday Pawpet Show, here's the BigDog robot with "Yakety Sax" in the background:

Cross-posted to [livejournal.com profile] pawpet .)
jcollie719: (Don't Think Park)
A friend recently e-mailed pictures of several funny newspaper headlines/ads. Here are a few I found amusing:

4 more under the cut! )
jcollie719: (Jcollie license)
In honor of St. Patrick's Day, here's one of my favorite Irish Drinking Songs from Whose Line Is It Anyway? When Drew is asking the crowd for suggestions, at 0:20 someone yells "Ass rape!" Ryan's last line in the first verse and Colin's song-ending line are also funny.

jcollie719: (Seinfeld restaurant)

My voice is a little better. I'd say it's around 30% recovered. I'll see a doctor if my cold/cough hasn't gotten better by Wednesday.
jcollie719: (Jcollie license)
Just finishing up on the computer while I pack for the trip back home. I'm hoping to make it to next year's Furry Fiesta. Maybe I'll actually be able to drive or fly in. In the meantime, here's the Sunday Twitter list! )

The first entry was a response to a post made Saturday night involving my kigurumi and a slight scent of body odor. LadyGrainne suggested using vodka in a spray bottle to get rid of the smell.
jcollie719: (Craig LOL small)
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology that was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions.

The husband turned to his wife and said, "Honey, that's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."

She said, "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest penis."

jcollie719: (Default)
jcollie719: (Craig LOL small)
snoop dogg
see more Lol Celebs

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