Fear and loathing

I should be asleep right now, but I've been kept awake by panic attacks and worrying about my future. The attacks happened Thursday morning when I was driving to work. I realized I had forgotten my ID badge and my cell phone, so I couldn't call work to tell them I'd be late. I drove to the Service Source office to have a spare badge printed. I started panicking, and the employee helping me said she'd let the shift leader know I couldn't make it in.

Although I'm thankful for finding a job and will continue to do it, I'd like to find something different where I'm not on my feet most of the time. I have to take a pain reliever during my shift due to backaches. Also, I keep getting assigned the afternoon/evening shift on Mondays after I said I wanted the morning shift (due to my Overeaters Anonymous meetings in the evenings.) I will likely have to quit Toastmasters as well since both work shifts on Friday interfere with that.

I'm also sad about not having someone to spend my time with. I was ripped off by a dating service a few years ago, and I haven't found anyone on FurryMate yet. I guess that service is geared toward younger furries, so I probably don't have a chance of finding someone there.

I do have a couple of things to look forward to: Today is pay day and there's 40 days until Oklacon.

Feeling horrible right now

One beer, two beers, three beers, four. How many can I finish before I hit the floor?

I was originally scheduled to work tomorrow (Saturday) from 6 AM-1:30 PM, according to the schedule printed last week. I had planned to find a sub at KRCC from 2-3 or 2-4. When I got in line to sign my time card tonight, I was told I would actually begin my shift at 1:30 instead of ending it then. Since my KRCC shift is less than 17 hours away and it's late at night, it's too late for me to find a substitute for my shift. More on that later.

I was stationed in the clipper room at my job today. At one point, the clipper machine had stopped and, while waiting for it to start again, some of the workers were conversing with each other. One of the shift leaders came into the room, pointed at us and yelled "Busted! Busted! Busted! Busted! You're standing around talking and not working." A few moments later when he walked by again, I tried to explain what had happened and suggested he could have been more polite. He cut me off and started ranting again. When I tried talking to him again, he turned around and walked away in mid-sentence. I told him I wanted to speak to his supervisor, and he said in a mocking voice "OOOOO, you want to speak to my SUPERVISOR!" I felt severely humiliated and began suffering more panic attacks as I tried to speak to the other shift leader about what had happened.

Anyway, since I couldn't find a substitute for my KRCC shift (and because I was again given a last-minute notice about a schedule change,) I will let Service Source know I won't be coming in on Saturday. I will ask Vocational Rehab to find another job for me. I'd rather earn less at a job I like than go through today's events again or be subject to more unannounced changes. Ironically, I found a penny on the ground as I walked into the building; I thought that was supposed to be GOOD luck!