Jerzei Collie's journal

I didn't officially make a New Years resolution list for this year, but here is some of the progress (and non-progress) I've made so far:

My weight is still yo-yo'ing between 310 and 320. I'd love to reduce the amount of stress in my life so I won't be as tempted to stress-eat.

I've eliminated about 6% of my debt this year. Barring any major emergency, I should be able to pay off at least 10% by the end of the year.

I attended Texas Furry Fiesta and the singles cruise reunion in Pittsburgh.

I'm still trying to find a new radio job and/or start my own station. This has been the most difficult resolution to accomplish. Saving up enough for a home studio may increase my chances.

I really need to work on getting more sleep Saturday nights, as well as taking a longer nap after work on Sundays. Sunday was another Jekyll-and-Hyde day for me.

After a good night's sleep Tuesday, my back pain was only about one-third of what it was originally. I'm unable to lay on my side in bed for now (the pulled muscle is on my right side, but I usually sleep on my left side.) That and when I sneeze are the only times the muscle gives me any pain.

I'm glad I'll be driving up to Denver a week from today for RMFC. Stress about various issues has kept me awake tonight. I have an appointment today with a new job counselor. I've applied for more jobs this past week. I don't know if I'll ever hear from the SoCo Radio stations since I always get their voice mail and no return calls.

Someone from Sears called me earlier today about a job opening I was seeking. I thought this was going to be a "give me your basic information" call before scheduling an actual in-person interview. Instead, I was asked questions like "Tell me about a time when you went above and beyond the call of duty to provide exceptional customer service." I don't remember every detail about my past work experience and these types of questions always catch me off-guard. I told her I couldn't remember a specific example, and she abruptly ended the call.

I was pissed off for a while. I reflected on my feelings for a while and realized it was silly to get worked up over not getting a job I wasn't exactly crazy about, especially when I need to focus my energy on getting a job at the newly-launched radio stations in town. I left voice mails for my Vocational Rehab counselor and the new employment agent who's working with me.

After tonight's OA meeting, I went to a group member's house for tea then took a walk around the neighborhood with her. I definitely feel more relaxed now.

A few weeks ago, I discovered I mistakenly entered an online payment for the wrong company. I entered the amount under my credit card company's name instead of my phone company's name. I've scheduled the phone company payment for May 2nd.

I ordered the correct size boxes to ship the glow stick bracelets I plan to sell on eBay.

Note to self: The stationary bike which works out your legs can also work out your mind.

There are times when I feel like a complete dumbass. I admit I'm not perfect and I make mistakes like everyone else, but I beat myself up much more whenever I do screw up.

I left voice mails for both job rehab agents this week, along with a message at the agency's main number. I'll call Vocational Rehab tomorrow afternoon if I don't get a response before then. I'd like to secure a new job before Christmas. On the advice of a friend, I looked up the addresses/phone numbers/Web sites of some local commercial production companies. It would be great if I could be hired as a voice-over artist for television/radio ads.

My co-worker's band, Melting Temple, is playing at a Denver club Thursday night. I originally thought about going to the AuroraFurs meet before then, but I'd only be able to stay for an hour or so and the drive to the club would end up being much longer.

Some Colorado Springs-area furries are trying to get a meet together, possibly on Friday or Saturday nights. An announcement I read said a weekday meet might also be started for anyone unavailable on weekends. If the weekend meets start this coming weekend, Friday would work best for me since I'm only working from 10:15 AM-3:00 PM this Friday. There's no Toastmasters meeting this week due to Labor Day being next Monday. I will ask to have future Friday shifts scheduled before 11 AM or after 2 PM so I won't have to quit Toastmasters. If the meet happens on Saturdays, I could ask if G.T. or another announcer could do the last 2-3 hours of my KRCC shift.

I hate when feelings of loneliness or other stress keeps me from enjoying the activities I normally like.

"Over? Did you say 'over'? NOTHING is over until WE decide it is!"

My Vocational Rehab counselor called this morning and left a message (since I had overslept.) It turns out I'm still in the running for the Fort Carson job after all. The counselor said hiring was restarted for the dining hall positions and the pay would be $13.50 per hour. For a 35-hour week, that's over $24,000.

Continued stress over not finding full-time work and not getting much sleep really took a toll on me over the weekend. I'll be honest: Thoughts of suicide actually crossed my mind a few times Sunday night. I ended up having to leave the Pawpet IRC channel during Radio Unifurse to try to cope with my emotions. I'm very thankful I had a therapist's appointment yesterday, even though I initially forgot about it.

31 days until Rocky Mountain Fur Con, and 99 days until Oklacon! I can definitely relax more now since the Fort Carson job likely won't start until after RMFC.

From December 24th:
( Taking a Twit on LJ )

Whenever I wake up in the middle of the night with stress or anxiety, I normally do one of two things: Toss and turn while trying to relax again, or get up and do something until I feel calm enough to go back to bed. My sleep-deprived brain convinced me to try something I did a few months ago: pretend to be a bear and stretch out on the living room floor for a bit. Oddly enough, it worked.

I've got two shifts today at KRCC. Payday was last Thursday instead of the end of the year due to the Payroll office being closed for the holidays. My next payday is January 14th because of this. Thankfully the winter membership drive will allow me to get more hours.

I woke up around 4 AM due to a full bladder and stress. Going to the bathroom relieved the first problem but the stress is still hanging around, even after taking a Xanax.

My therapist asked me how the dating service I joined in 2006 is working out. I had three matches in the past month or so. The first woman said she would call me back after I first talked to her. I never heard from her again even after subsequent calls to her answering machine. The second woman originally said she forgot about the date we arranged, then said she was putting her account on hold for a while.

I didn't even know about the third match until I checked my AOL e-mail account and saw a message from the service saying "we were unable to reach you by phone." That is a complete lie. My phone has an answering machine and Caller ID, so I know they didn't try to call me. I left a message with the woman yesterday and I hope to hear back from her soon.

In any event, my therapist said getting an average of less than 10 matches per year doesn't sound like the service is working hard enough. He suggested taking the company to small claims court. I previously reported them to the BBB, but they basically said "He signed a contract and he's stuck with it." I know they'll do the same if I take them to court, so it's not worth it.

When I checked my account balance Tuesday, I discovered the past two unemployment payments worth about $800 (which were delayed due to renewing my claim last month) were put into my account that morning. These were the payments which would have allowed me to take the cruisers reunion trip to Vegas over the weekend.

I wish iTunes would let users preview songs/albums before buying them. Sometimes a song will have more than one version available, and picking the right one can be a gamble if I don't know which album contains the version I want.

A combination of stress and neck pain caused me to wake up about 20 minutes ago. Luckily I don't have anything I need to do today.